I have a new phone, and I have no intention of using it!

When Mr Telephone invented his ringing communications device, little did he suspect that into the next century, his device would have been evolved not to do what he'd designed it for...
"Mine takes 8megapixel photographs, can play up to 20,000 games and up to 1 Billion songs!"
"So, will you be able to text me back, say, this side of Christmas?"
"Are you mad sir? No technology alive can allow me to do that!"
And so it proceeds.
Life, it would seem, is full of unanswered texts and annoying ringtones.
And that, it would seem, would lead me to politics...
So many questions, and nobody offering a well reasoned answer. Tories have the economy sown up, but have no understanding of "young people"
Lib Dem's seem to avoid any large stereotypes, but in effect they don't have one for being a half decent option, they're just there, looking pretty. Nick Clegg is pretty much a rose, all very well, except he has a Cameron shaped thorn in his side, and that's a problem, he is better than Cameron in person, but not in practice
And Labour, well, that collapsed in on itself like a flan in a cupboard. And who'd have thought it when glittery young Blair was stood there, insisting he wouldn't enter an illegal war...
ok, maybe he didn't do that, but you see what I mean?
We're texting them our concerns, and they seem to have left their phone on the bus, and are receiving our issues through smoke signals
Maybe I should try that instead of trusting the goon on the other end of technology
Now, time for what a blog should be for, commenting on the state of the wider world.
Money seems to be the largest curse. Manchester City and Real Madrid are ruining the sport of football with too much of it. Greece is falling apart without it. Germany doesn't know what to do with its...
And then, on a smaller scale, our bank accounts, and the small part of us that dies inside when we see it.
What positive influence has money got? It stops the strongest people stealing from the smaller and weaker, which, I suppose for me, is a plus point.
But the agony it brings people. Surely it's more worthwhile to use a better system, an exchange maybe, but of trade and skills, not money. If you're good at something, surely that's a way forward?
Potentially, however there's only so many poets, gardeners and bar tenders in the world.
So is there a solution?
The economy just doesn't work if we have too much money apparently,
So maybe that's it. We don't need budgets and taxes, we have builders, we have decorators, we have doctors, we can do up the NHS without some useless shaved monkey in a suit telling us he'll do it if we give him power for half a decade...
So remove Parliament, rise a republic, do it ourselves, and don't vote for politicians, it only encourages them...

Start the revolution, facebook's rubbish, politics is rubbish, the world is rubbish

We'll level this country I say!
Now i've made my brief misanthrope introduction, I thought we'd get into the nitty gritty.
I thought I'd use this to vent. So let's do just that.
Doesn't life just get on your tits? I mean seriously! Everywhere you turn, there is something that'll piss you off. I mean, is it just me being a grump?
And it's a mixture of big and small things that are out to inconvenience us. For example, when did it become ok for technology to be offered to us, and then not work? Surely that's false advertisement?
"Sign up for our new super duper fast internet connection!"
But a few hours later...
"WHY THE HELL WONT YOU WORK YOU...!"
And don't claim it's just me. Some days you just want to walk into Currys with a flamethrower, and torch every git who works there and decides that it's ok to try sell you this malfunctioning tosh!
And to rub salt in our grumpy wounds, it's election season. Oh bloody joy. 3 gormless idiots who talk big and do nothing
What perfect representatives for today's society!
I mean, there are some people who say things like "sorry" and "how're you?" and expect that to be the end of that.
If you say sorry for something, bloody follow it up! People wonder why it's not always enough. Maybe because words don't save lives. You don't cure a paper-cut, broken leg, or anything in between on the scale by chanting incantations!
If you say "y'alright?" Expect to stop and listen on the frequently occurring off-chance that the answer is no, because if you're bothered enough to ask, be bothered enough to console, don't just keep walking on.
And when someone tries to talk to you, and you ignore them, whatever the reason, it's rude! You can go off people you know! And again, people find this complexing!
The same people who vote for Gordon Brown no doubt. And we think he's an idiot? As I said, best representative for Britain in this day and age.
Of course, I'm being unfair to some people. Not everyone is a narrow-minded selfish waste of blood and oxygen.
There are the girls walking round with war paint dousing every inch of skin, wearing low cut skirts and lower cut tops.
"Don't look at my breasts, I'm only thrusting them into your eyeline every other second! What are you freaks? Show some control!"
Perfectly reasonable behavior.
And please, if you have a 6 pack, great for you, but don't go showing it in the middle of a cosy Yorkshire town centre. It makes me want to have you hung drawn and quartered, so I can surgically remove your abdominal muscles and have them implanted into my chest. Bloody show offs.
If you have it, flaunt it, so the saying goes.
No,
Don't.
If you're good, great. Show us when it matters, like at a tournament if you're a sportsman,
Or in a gym if you're a body builder
you know, around people who might admire you? Aspire to you?
Everyone else who doesn't have an interest in your sport, hobby or dreams, really thinks you're an arrogant git!
People, who'd be one?

Right then:

Hello one and all. Wonderful things blogs, wonderful for the cowards who can't be arsed to say these things anywhere else.
It kinda just gives me a bit more space than Facebook or whatever else to just talk wildly into my computer.
As I said, wonderful thing.
I felt the urge to start blogging because my faith in real people has recently begun to wane. People being bitchy, people being stubborn, people being angry, people being mute...
And that's even before I wake up in the morning...
However, as hypocritical as I might sound at times, I do have a point. Recently it seems everyone has been waiting to stick the knife in. It seems for once I've escaped such a punishment, but, if anything, that makes me even more disgusted by it. When it's happening directly to you, you're left with the possibility you're over-reacting. However, with both a retrospective, and a distant view of proceedings, you get a pretty clear view of what's going on. And that scares the bejezus out of me!
I mean, I'll give you an example of the shock I've received recently.
I decide to send a text to someone I've not spoken to in a few days.
"Hello, How're you today?"
"F**k off!"
It's at times like that you begin to think the rest of the human race is a waste of time.
Another example. A friend I've not spoken to for a few weeks, and they have, in that time, gotten a girlfriend. Someone who you could talk to for hours, but now, the biggest thing in their life thus far, you would think, and not a word. Particularly when nothing actually changed.
Both those suddenly leave you think what exactly you can do.
And my decision? Talk to some loyal readers. Type up some interesting nuggets from my mundane life. Read on, and maybe you'll find something to make you laugh, cry, or just go, hmmm.
Times change, and maybe I just need to get used to those people- whom I sharen't name, they'll know who they are if they read this.
But I tell you what, I bet you you'll find anything up here more exciting than the politicians who are bombarding our lives,
Unless one happens to call you a bigoted woman!